Scripture: 2 Timothy 4:9-18
I. Introduction: Friendship brings us some of the greatest joys in life—but also can cause immense pain. If you haven’t experienced rejection or betrayal yet, you probably will someday. The apostle Paul learned to forgive others for their failures and reconcile with…
To leave me alone with my thoughts is to drown me in my tears of healing.
But the tears themselves have abandoned me. For I have been alone amongst what most consider a crowd for a better part of my life.
I dig into my soul yet again and its as if I feel a sense of normalcy in another process of healing.
I struggle to share my deepest emotions with one individual soul. & unwillingly, within what felt like a moment, i surrendered myself to a strength that only brought weakness. Alone…. Alone, again and again I fear my mind is numbing permanently. my heart struggles less and less to fight off the cold. I need warmth, a simple request to most. I need someone to help me. I just for once want to feel truly wanted & loved. With time as everyone’s friend but mine I wonder if someone will ever choose me over it. I remain true to myself and the passion I thrive off of to be more then meets the eye. What ppl see and what is real are turning into separate worlds. No one really knows anyone any more due to a world made up of pictures and letters we can no longer physically touch. Every reaction is immediate and lingering on your last moments no longer have effect bc our world is now created for the impatient. Learning to feel for each word bc it is precious in it meaning and can only be felt for a short while was a life most of us have never known. A time of simplicity, a time of honesty, a time where all u had was your word has now been broken and reconstructed for demanding watered down conversation.
I have little interest in this. I am learning more and more abou who I am and I’m figuring out what I will make of it. Tonight I don’t have the will to fight. Tonight a invisible weight has become so heavy I can hardly breath. I will make it out alive and well for that matter but I’m not sure who I will be and what my heart will or will not be capable of. I cannot see or even feel love anymore. I’m quite empty yet Im full and have an overabundance of questions. Some I fear and believe will not only go unanswered but worse… never understood.
Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient
the truth is that life tends to surprise you in the strangest ways. iv learned that i never fully learn what i think i know. my mind and my heart are a continuos game of truth or dare. i choose to learn or speak a new truth but then my dare is to take action on my new discoveries. its not a game, its life. yet we play it like a game and value it as if we own it. sadly we have limits and rules that cannot be broken. so when we push and bend the structure that so naturally has been put into place we fall, fail, and learn to accept fatal consequences.
so i live and play if you will the game of life. i base my decisions off of experience and advice from those i hold highest respects for. but the thing iv learned is that no matter what i have to live with the consequences of my choices i so carefully try to make. iv hit a place or path that is ending not just a chapter but a book. id like to think that my life has been broken down into books. i poor my heart and soul into every aspect of my life. i work every day to make sure i am meeting my full potential and fulfilling my expectations of who i think i should be. i am passionate, i am full of life in each moment, and i choose to work at every area with a drive that is unbreakable. believing that is half the battle. i have my doubts and my moments of confusion but at the end of the day i never stop believing in who i am and what that stands for. so although each time life shifts a book or short story ends i am striving to write my novel. not because i want to be in one place and find one thing to write about or live for but to find a path so strong to find someone to love so deeply that i dont have to stray from the title. my chapters will change but the characters and the idea of what my life is about are consistent. although i never strive for routine id like to know that i can count on something regular in my life. i have yet to find someone with that same drive, the same dedication & passion for a life so well lived that no one would dare call it a game but put my story on a shelf with the classics.